Halfway there.. What?!

So... I officially suck blogging. Sorry for the MASSIVE lack of silence.

It's what.. Week 6? Week 7?

A lot has happened. A LOT. So much that it'll be hard to fit into a single post. But.. I'll try..

Work

..is a mixture of so many things. Most days I take joy in talking with people from all over the world for a few minutes and seeing locals over and over again. But some days.. it is so hard to be at work and hold onto that certain kind of joy that only comes from the Lord. I struggle with not wanting to be fake with co-workers, locals, and visitors to show them that I'm not okay, but at the same time I don't want to bring them down if I'm exhausted, mad, or drained from already being delightful with a few hundred previous customers. Being real and honest along with being joyful and loving only comes from the Lord and His strength.

Relationships

..are so sweet to watch being built. At this point in the summer our co-workers are finally starting to trust us, desiring to hangout with us, and wanting to be our friend. God is softening their hearts and it's beautiful. Each little interaction we have with them gets us one step closer to verbally sharing Christ with them and the challenge is that we're living in such a way that within those tiny interactions.. they notice a difference in us.


Ugh. So I seriously can't pick out what else to tell y'all.. So this is about to get random.

Trips to Flagstaff keep me sane. Getting out of park is probably one of the GREATEST feelings and releases ever. I'm such a city girl. This place is too small and the spiritual warfare can be suffocating. Thank the GOOD Lord that He's given me a team of 12 (Tasha, you're one of us whether you like it or not :) ) and a church staff that literally works alongside me. I don't think I could live here without so many brothers and sisters.

One of the moments that I will treasure from the summer.
Tasha, Julia, and I at Snow Bowl.
Sheer Beauty.

So, this week has been a little rough.. I've had to have a few conversations that were just not ideal and unexpected when I considered what this summer would hold. Ya know.. the kind that just make you ache a little.. or a lot. But, I've recently started reading through 1 Corinthians. Yesterday this verse stuck out to me.. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. (1 Corinthians 2:2) Isn't that so simple? Paul also talks about how he came to the Corinthians without fancy words and in fear. What?! Paul afraid? What?? He didn't have all those big Christian words? When does that happen?... How often are we consumed with having the right words to say and acting in the right way always?

Hold up. We're not perfect. And it's not up to us to have the "right" words and phrases. We plant, we water, but only God can bring growth to the seeds. This cannot be more true about this place here. It honestly won't surprise me if we don't see someone become a christian this summer. I hope and pray that salvation comes every single day but it won't be a wasted summer if it doesn't happen. We have no clue what the Lord is doing in the lives and hearts of people we interact with.. which is hard to come to terms with on some days, but that keeps me seeking for all of the little ways He let's me see how He is moving.

All we need to know is Jesus.. how He lived, who He is, how He died, and how He rose from the grave. All we need to know is Him and simply live that.


So... this Friday and Saturday a pretty big group of us are hiking down to Phantom Ranch aka all the way to the bottom. Brett (Burt), a co-worker, asked to come with us. He's been to church with us a few times and he's someone I've seen the most change in this summer. He's a 30 year old that doesn't want to grow up and a really awesome guy. Pray for his soul this weekend, that he would see Jesus because of how we live and interact together, and that we would be intentional with our conversations with him.

Thanks for bearing with the silence.. I don't like that I have to make an effort to get to internet and it's hard to make the time for it. But thank you for being faithful in prayer and supporting me in the littlest of ways.


Love,
Jo

Snow and Sunshine

Week 1 = Complete
Week 1 = Simply Beautiful
Week 1 = Entirely Exhausting

That pretty much encompasses the first 8 days of being at the Grand Canyon. And I'm getting the feeling that most weeks will be like this--chocked to the brim of difficult moments but so insanely beautiful at the same time.

For instance.. this week was spent in training, cooking dinners, exploring the area, getting to know my team, meeting co-workers, being exhausted from work, walking through the woods, laughing until my stomach hurt, losing at Nertz, playing in the snow, bouldering the side of the canyon (well, sorta) and getting lost.

That last one.. funny, right?

Looking back, it kinda is. I would be the person to get lost for an hour and a half by myself. Thinking about it, this is the perfect moment for the Lord to teach me something. At first I thought He was expanding on something He pushed me with from last summer--my favorite.. vulnerability. Now, I'm not so sure if I would call getting lost a lesson in vulnerability. Maybe, but that doesn't exactly sit right. This go-around seems more like a lesson in humility, the breaking of pride within me.

Wandering around the woods, alone, on trails that you literally have never walked before, while the sun is setting.. is terrifying. Utterly and completely terrifying. And this is exactly where I found myself Friday night. To say the cause of my terror.. these next few sentences.. for the public to know is comparable to smashing pounds of salt into a deep, wide, fresh gash. I.. was a complete fool Friday night. From the very start I headed in the wrong direction. I refused to take the bus when I wound up at the bus stop. I refused to call the one number that I had to ask for help. I refused to knock on someone's door for help. I passed the Pastor's house and refused to knock on his door. I was an arrogant fool.

You know what the underlying problem with all this is? I so desperately wanted to prove that I didn't need anybody; that I didn't need help. Looking back, I decided that I didn't even need God's help.. even when I asked for it.. over, and over, and over again. What kind of idiot does that?! This one. That was surely a moment where I understood His grace a little better, and I praise Him over, and over, and over again for His grace in that moment despite my prideful stubbornness.

Through getting lost, the Lord told me, or reminded me, that I can't do this all by myself. I need Him. I need my brothers and sisters. Being that one person on this team that never needs help, will not help my team or the ministry here in the canyon. We've been told multiple times that this place will suck the life out of you. I already feel hints of it, and I will need help to fight it.

We're starting Job in Bible study on Sunday mornings. The crazy thing about yesterday morning was that God brought more clarity to sophomore year, that one year where I failed out of engineering because my pride was wrapped up in becoming something. But that's another story.

Welp. Here I am again.. the pride is showing itself in a different way, but pride is pride.

Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall. Proverbs 16:18
One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor. Proverbs 29:23


I keep thanking Him that I learned this at the beginning of the summer; that He allowed me to see where I am falling short so that He can change it.. fix it.. redeem me.

One more verse comes to mind when I think about this situation..

Thus says the Lord: "The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love, therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah 31:2-3




Keep praying for the team here. That we would be finding our rest in the Lord every day and the life isn't sucked out of us. Pray for Lindsay, she's the last member to arrive and she's coming tomorrow! Whoop!! Pray that she transitions quickly into our group and that it is not hard for her. Pray for our co-workers and the conversations we'll have with them. Pray for the people that we meet on the rim, and the conversations we'll have. Pray for the people that come into our home, that they will feel welcome and notice that we're different.

Ministry here is what it ought to be always.. living life to bring glory to God. Pray that we, and you, would take hold of that and simply dive into each given day to joyfully live for the Lord.

Thank you for the support. I couldn't do this without y'all!

Love,
Jo

Grand Canyon Or Bust

9:55 AM -- I'll be high in the sky flying West.

It's hard to realistically believe that this moment is here.

Shouldn't midterms still be happening? What happened since January?? When did it become May???

Yeah, I don't know either.


The end of the semester, especially the past few days, have hit me with a wrecking ball. Honestly, my emotions are whacked out. Changes are being made so quickly, I barely have time to think, process, and deal with all they bring. Overwhelming like an ocean wave crashing on top of your head is a pretty accurate way to describe the situation.

Even though transitioning has been hard (a lot harder than going to Montana last summer), my perspective must come from the Lord. Only by His wonderful grace is His perspective mine.

Thursday morning I woke up to a thunder storm in College Station. By the way, we haven't had rain since January. It was nothing short of an answered prayer. This storm was heavy, loud, dark and long with flashes of massive crackly lightening -- my all-time, by far most favorite weather. I don't know what it is about them, but they create an atmosphere that's as if I'm sitting at my Father's feet, listening to Him talk and watching His impromptu, yet perfectly planned, creativity. It's beautiful. It's powerful. It's Him.

That morning Jesus reminded me that "He is the image of the invisible God, the first born of all creation. For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things and in Him all things hold together." (Colossian 1:15-17) That morning I didn't think that I would cling to.. breathe these words like I am right now.

Praying tomorrow would be awesome, especially in the early morning and at night when I'm the most tired. Fitting 3 months of life into a 50 pound bag is not a small task, and tonight it was entirely more difficult than normal. Pray that my bag gets through. Ideally, under 50 pounds, but.. it just needs to get there. Pray for my emotions, energy levels, and mental capacity. If I need to break down in the middle of the airport and get it out before I get to AZ, I'll do it. But I'd really rather not. Pray for Julia, one of my teammates as she flies tomorrow as well. Praise! Aaron, another teammate, made it safely there today!

And He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.


Let those words soak deep into your soul.


Love,
Joanna

"Not yet."

(I wrote the majority of this 11 days ago. My idea was for it to be published on April 12, 2011. For several reasons it wasn't. I just thought I needed to give you the context rather than never publish it.)

It's been a while.
I would blame the lapse of time on not much happening, but that's pretty far from the truth. A lot has happened.. in preparation for The GC, in school, in friendships.. but thank the Lord that He is constant.

Always. Unrelenting.
Always. Steadfast.
Always. Faithful.

Praise be to God that He is continually and completely these things (and so SO much more!) when I am very much not these things. Or the world spinning around me is not this way.

Therefore..

Let's catch up as old friends do. Okay?
Okay

Remember how excited I was about driving out to GCNP by myself? Stoked isn't anywhere close enough to describe my excitement. The challenge of staying awake, spending so much time alone, and solo-ing through states.. they collectively stirred rolling hills of curiosity within me. Then curiosity translated into a chance to prove my independence. Attaining independence is something I have been trying to do for a very long time. Ask my parents; I'm sure they have oodles of stories. And As silly as it now sounds.. I imagined one of those coming of age moments pictured in movies. Driving into GCNP would be the moment to forever signify that I had come of age.. that I could in fact take care of myself, solely by myself.. that independence was mine. Then last Thurday night I heard a soft, gentle, but indecipherable whisper.

Late, late, late into the night I checked my email which contained a little note from the GoNow office. There was a mix up with dates and if I still chose to drive I'd have to be there on the 13th, not the 15th. As I laid in bed starring into the dark blurriness, I spent the last minutes before I fell asleep crunching time--calculating the hours I had between the end of the semester and May 13, 2011 at 12:00PM. I came to a conclusion.. enough time existed..

..if I wanted to shoot up ounces and ounces of caffeine to stay awake for 48 hours.

(which would be a fairly interesting experiment)

After talking with my parents on Friday morning, the soft, gentle whisper from the night before became a firm and audible "Not yet." Apparently, the middle of May 2011 is not the time for me to prove my independence.. if there really is ever a time to prove that. In fact, at the very moment that God, through His delicious grace, revealed my most dire need in life would be to trust Jesus with my very soul, and I, by His grace alone, put all of my trust in Him.. that was the moment I gave up all independence I had or could ever have. I am fully and inseparably dependent on the Lord Jesus. All in all.. I am now flying to Phoenix on the morning of the 14th. Once the dust of the decision had settled, waves of peace began to wash away pressure after pressure after pressure.

Unknowingly, I was pretty freaked out by trying to figure out where I would stay in New Mexico, getting lost, or breaking down on the side of the road with a minimalist's knowledge of Buick Centuries. The nervousness didn't come from these pieces individually, but that they built upon taking finals and saying goodbye to dear friends in College Station before several graduate. Also, there is that one part about having a job this summer and something about being responsible. Showing up past expected arrival would not be the ideal way to start the summer.

The one thing that I have been reminded of the past few weeks is that the Lord knows exactly what we need when we need it. That need is not what we want or what we think we need. It's what we need.

I thought I needed to drive to AZ.
I thought I needed to prove something to.. the world.
The Lord knows that I needed the pressure to alleviate.
The Lord knows that someone will be sent with the extra money raised.

That's where this story immediately becomes beautiful. The Lord has been an abundant provider with raising financial support. As of April 23, I have $500+ in my GoNow account and $100+ from selling bracelets. I can't believe it, really I can't. Raising support ALWAYS amazes me. I love seeing the Lord use the body in this way. And if He's at so much work for what we can see... how much more is He doing that we can't see?! Love it!

Talking your ear off would be an easy thing to do. But, I'll save some stories for later. Lastly, here are some ways to be praying..

Praise God for His faithfulness in providing the way to the Grand Canyon. Praise Him for being the Author of salvation.
The lost. Always pray for the salvation of people at the GC. Those who are there now and those my team is meeting.
The missionaries there. They receive teams who come and go, but they are there all the time. Pray strength and encouragement over them. Pray for guidance in their ministry.
My team. In John 17, Jesus is praying to the Father and He asks that we, His followers, would be one just as He and the Father are one. That's some crazy kind of powerful unity right there. Pray for unity among us.

As my good friend, Jason, and Paul the Apostle would say..

Grace & Peace
And with much sisterly affection,
Joanna

Here We Go Again

This post catches me on the last real night of Spring Break 2011. I spent the past seven days in Sunnyvale, TX catching up with old friends, exploring new places, and gathering much, much needed sleep. The past three days have simply been a dream here in Texas. The sun has finally started to warm the rich dirt and provide the perfect atmosphere to be outside. I even saw bluebonnets already blooming on Highway 45 driving from Dallas to College Station today!

I love spring. It's gorgeous and new every year. It never fails; it always comes.

As much as I could ramble on for sentences and sentences about how dearly I love this season and all the glorious ways I participate in it.. I need to actually talk about why I'm going through this whole shindig (blogging) again.

This summer my toes will be emerged in the dusty red earth of the Grand Canyon.

Through GoNow Missions, I have been appointed to serve as a NAMB (North American Mission Board) Innovator. As an Innovator, I'll be holding a secular job in a store located on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon National Park, the General Store. The purpose of this job is to work alongside the lost, build relationships with co-workers and share Jesus with them. I simply can't wait to explore the Canyon with them! But, I am scared out of my mind.

I actually enjoy working retail and I would kinda really enjoy working in a small outdoor recreation retail store where I could also serve as an outdoors guide of some outdoorsy discipline. Figuring out how a store works and dealing with customers (happy or unhappy) is just kinda fun! Working at Once Upon A Child on and off the past four years definitely has made an impression on me. It also revealed how utterly terrible I am at being bold, speaking Truth while working, and trying to find something in common with my co-workers. For those reasons.. this summer scares me. Not to mention the massive hole in the ground plus my acute fear of heights.

The road to this summer has so far been... well, rocky and foggy. It took a long time (in my opinion) to gain clarity from the Lord as to where I needed to be. It involved giving up what seemed to be the perfect internship (seriously, it was perfect in my humanity driven definition of perfection). It required prayer upon prayer and trusting wholeheartedly in the Lord--in His timing and in His plan, both completely perfect in His God-defined meaning of perfection. I wish I could say that I anticipate this road becoming a little less boulder-like and a little more crystal clear, but I can't. While still walking on this ground beneath, my hope does not lie there, but on the one that is unseen and most assuredly coming!


So here we go again.
Me, as witty as possible, telling His stories.
And you, so patiently listening. :)